The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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