nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
