when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
