well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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