my phone needs a breathalizer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bring me that man meat
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
