it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
