I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
