Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
