Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
organizing the empties. That sober.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
