He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
