Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
