I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's blow job season.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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