I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
