WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
