i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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