Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
