I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
