I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
