Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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