Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is the high leading the old right now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
