i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
