I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
