I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
