I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
