At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
