On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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