and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
