Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
