oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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