I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
