I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sext me about skeletons
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
