sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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