From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
