It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
