I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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