I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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