we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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