The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
