i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
