I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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