I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
