Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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