Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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