It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
