just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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