I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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