he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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