sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
