hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
