I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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