His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
