They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
