I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
