He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
