i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
