I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
