I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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