escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's always time for handjobs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize