College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
